Monday, 26 January 2015

In the drool-filled haze between the sleeping and waking world I thought to myself, "Damn, my feet are COLD," and then, "That poetry submission is DUE soon, yo!" and I had a thought for a poem. Kind of silly! Let's see!

I was going to put in a LOT more effort and make this rhyme... I might revisit it and use it as a part of my submission.



Actually, now that I think about it, that is a really dumb thing. Needs work. I wonder if I just wanted to make a pun.
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2 comments:

  1. Kat's Motley Crue28 January 2015 at 13:26

    Actually, for a guy - that's quite sentimental! I'm impressed - real men show their feelings whether it be in writing or out loud.

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  2. Co-editor5 February 2015 at 02:55

    and there's nothing wrong with puns, really! people treat them like they're puny, but THEY'RE wrung! one solution to the author asserted dumbness of the poem might be a less direct approach to the sentiment, that old describing versus telling notion. that's not to say the poem would be void of feelings, but that it wouldn't announce them so blatantly. i.e. instead of nervously, you might consider naming something associated with nerves, like sweat glands. not sexy, i know, but it would maintain the pattern of body parts in parenthesis. also, the pun exists between the first two lines and the second last one, so you don't necessarily have to repeat it with "cold feet"... instead, you could throw out a sideways closer, like "empty hand" or "normal heart" or something kinda unexpected like that, but not quite melodramatic, eh? and i know this is coming too late for the first round of submissions, but keep thinking about this sorta style. could be another suite of several short snapshots or pseudo-haikues, or the pattern could be sustained at length. also, tell me in class how you get the poems to stand out in your post. you make them into pictures? sneaky!

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